The best gift that we can give our loved ones is the gift of our time.

Saying goodbye to my daughter happened quite in a hurry. What was it? Ten, fifteen minutes of quiet time, punctuated with some hugs and kisses and occasional I-Love-Yous.

Time never seems to be enough.

Physically, I wish that I can exist in a parallel universe - one for my career and the other one where my present self shall be is the universe that will be solely for my loved ones. But of course, it ain't gonna be a life worth living if it's too ideal.

In today's Gospel (Luke 12:54-59), Jesus calls on us to pay attention to the present time. Rev. Richard Gabuzda cites C.S. Lewis' work, The Screwtape Letters, in his reflection, highlighting "the importance of living in the present moment, while revealing the temptation of dwelling on the past, but, above all, the temptation which pulls us to focus on the future. "

One thing that mindfulness exercises and yoga have greatly helped me with is on keeping my mind to the present. Much of my recent stresses have been caused by phantoms -- ghosts of the past and invisible demons that haunt my future. I used to worry too much. I still do but I now have a better grip of my present reality. Perhaps, if I can make more time to practice mindfulness and maranatha meditation, my mind can finally switch from anywhere but here to nowhere but here.

Life is too short to waste on what never was and what couldn't be anymore. Yes, it is a very sad thought but I have been okay because I learned to live in and enjoy the present.

"Gratitude looks to the Past and love to the Present; fear, avarice, lust and ambition looks ahead."

- C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

Acts of Mercy in Relationships

Blessed Teresa of Calcutta of our modern day epitomizes the acts of mercy.
Photo from http://mydrizzle.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MotherTeresa2.jpg. 

As a young Catholic, I recall having to memorize the corporal and spiritual acts of mercy. The corporal acts, being bodily in nature, were quite easy to practice. Learning from the examples shown by my parents, I did not have a hard time holding on to material possessions and showing charity at a corporal level---that is, for the most part.

The corporal acts seem quite simplistic:

1. Feed the hungry.
2. Give drink to the thirsty.
3. Clothe the naked.
4. Shelter the homeless.
5. Visit those in prison.
6. Comfort the sick.
7. Bury the dead.

I'd like to think that I have been a good follower of Christ through showing those acts of kindness even in times when my commitment to a relationship  -- whether platonic, romantic and without a question, on the parental level -- is being tested.

To some, however, this is not the case. It is easy to give when our hearts are whole but not when our hearts are either broken or hardened by disappointments and resentments. Being treated unmercifully by those whose welfare I have put ahead of my needs to the point that I have borne their own burdens and excess baggage as if they were my own have torn my heart into pieces. I have expressed hunger and thirst---only to be replied to with disdain and cold indifference. I have been sick -- very sick in mind, body and spirit -- only to be ignored and made to beg. It could be extremely violent in its passivity, much hurtful than feeling a fist land on my face. It is like being shot by a muffled gun while others watched for entertainment. Figuratively, I had to bear the cruelty of words and inappropriate humor being hurled against me as I fell on my knees. Alone.

Hurtful as they were, I still would not ask God to reverse such experiences. Never have I looked upon a beggar on the street asking for alms with the same compassion as I do now because of what I have gone through. (Imagine how it must feel like for innocent kids with grumbling stomachs to knock on the windows of hundreds of cars under the heat of the sun or the cold of the rain for a meaningless peso.) It is not true after all that cruelty begets cruelty; in some mysterious ways, experiencing selfishness can lead to greater charity.

As I grow in the realm of my body, I realize that I have to take on a much harder challenge as I seek to grow in spirit. The spiritual acts of mercy when viewed as a child seems just as easy as the corporal acts:

1. Share knowledge.
2. Give advice to those who need it.
3. Comfort the suffering.
4. Be patient with others.
5. Forgive those who hurt you.
6. Give correction to those who need it.
7. Pray for the living and the dead.

My own body with its temporal needs has often betrayed my spirit and its capacity to show mercy through the spiritual acts. At the times when they seem easy to practice, it is usually because of the following reasons: it wasn't too hurtful to begin with; it doesn't involve a person I care about very much; and I may have been doing it at a very superficial level. The same must hold true for those who fail to be charitable in spirit. Perhaps the secret is for me to have the heart of a child: innocent, simple and free.

Taking this refresher on the acts of mercy is a good reminder of the duplicity of my human existence---that I exist both in body and in spirit. Each can constrain the other from opening itself to enable generosity to flow to a co-being. Learning from the Buddhist tradition, however, should prevent us from taking this duplicity as a basis for conflict; instead, it should present us the opportunity to be creative in finding ways to harmonize the needs and the capacities of the corporal and the spiritual. After all, this is a truth in our reality as creatures of God. This is a truth in the context of Christ's presence on earth: He is both human and divine, existing in body and in spirit.

In closing, allow me to juxtapose today's reflection with some relevant lines from a book which I am currently re-reading, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera --

"... The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become.

Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant."

A blessed Sunday to all!

Holier than Happy

"What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?

- Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage

I reached an epiphany over lunch yesterday. 

"I want to marry a man who has a deep faith in God," I shared to my friends. I realized that one of the reasons why my past partners could not be as loyal and faithful as I hoped they could be was because of the weakness of their faith. A faithful man's loyalty shall be unwavering---steadfast even if shaken.

If a man loves God deeply, this love will manifest in his commitment. As a true Christian, he knows that life and relationships are more than just a quest for happiness. He would learn to love and carry his burdens for the sake of his family in the same way that Christ has carried His cross for mankind despite their ungratefulness.

What makes it easy for a man to fall into temptations is a weak faith. What drives him to search for vices and other women at critical times -- times when his love is much needed -- is a mistaken reason for existence. In her e-article, "What Does the Bible Say About Marriage," Mary Fairchild writes: "Is it possible that there is something much more profound in the heart of God than simply to make us happy?"

At this point in my life, I figured that I will no longer ask God for a lot. A man who loves Him deeply, faithfully should be enough to tick of all the secondary qualities that my ideal mate should possess---compatibility included.

* * *

It was a scene in my favorite Christian teen romance series. In youth group one night, the main character’s best friend acts out the role of “Katie Christian” dating “Peter Pagan” for a timely lesson on dating relationships.

“Katie Christian” is asked to stand on a chair and hold hands with “Peter Pagan.” When she tries to pull him up to her faith, she is unsuccessful, but all it takes is one swift tug for him to pull her down to his level.

One. Swift. Tug.

- Addie, Unequalled Yolk

Today

Here are some verses in today's Gospel reading:

Go on your way;
behold, I am sending you like lambs among wolves.
Carry no money bag, no sack, no sandals;
and greet no one along the way.
Into whatever house you enter,
first say, ‘Peace to this household.’
If a peaceful person lives there,
your peace will rest on him;
but if not, it will return to you.
Stay in the same house and eat and drink what is offered to you,
for the laborer deserves payment.
Do not move about from one house to another.
Whatever town you enter and they welcome you,
eat what is set before you,
cure the sick in it and say to them,
‘The Kingdom of God is at hand for you.’”

Dear God,

Today, I pray that you continue to bless my faith. Help me be steadfast in the hope that one day, good things will come. And when it does, grant me the courage and the strength to hold on no matter what it takes.

Thank you for lifting the burden off my heart.


With love,
Your child

Encounters and Disturbances

There are certain benefits to looking back--reading old journals, browsing through college yearbooks, and catching up with old friends. They can serve as some sort of reference points, providing us insights on how far we have progressed in our life's journeys.

However, if we find ourselves stuck in the same self-identity crises, same issues, same dramas, same hang ups and attachments, what could our experience be telling us? Could it be that we have wrongfully mistaken complacency with simplicity, lack of genuine concern for acceptance? Have we been absent-mindedly refusing the grace to grow in mind and spirit all these years?

Every encounter in our life bears a trace of the Infinite, the Creator who loves us and always calls us back. Laurence Freeman in Light Within writes, "Every relationship in our life, every turning towards another, is an ever-deepening encounter with the Other in whose image we are made." If we see all experiences in our life - both good and bad - as part of a big plan or a grand scheme of things, then we will be comforted with the knowledge that we are loved. God's ways are truly beyond our understanding as finite beings.

Our encounters should help reveal our authentic selves and bring us closer to our life's purpose. "The deepest encounter is the greatest change and that is undergone in death," says Freeman. This death is our response to Christ's call, "Come, follow me."

Sometimes He calls in the midst of our distractions--enjoying the false security of our jobs and some relationships, the thrill in challenging ourselves to exceed our goals, and the triviality of the friendships and the situations we choose to maintain out of ease and absence of duty.  We are often called when we are least ready. To follow Him entails a certain kind of death in us. A death of ourselves. Often, we refuse His invitation because we are not yet ready to give up the comforts of our own complacencies and temporal joys. We become too absorbed in our own godliness, thinking that happiness comes free. As Christians, we learn that real triumph happens after we embrace our own crosses and walk through our calvary, instead of leaving our burdens for others to carry and escaping the hard path, which all of us has been given to take.

One beautiful thing that I have learned about human frailty is that sin is our failure to respond to the call of Christ and to the love of our Creator which He manifests through our encounters.

May we find the courage to be disturbed and to leave behind the worldly entanglements that prevent us from responding to love and growing in spirit.

Harden Not Your Hearts

Image source: http://realhomilies.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/6011999624_61555e0620_m2.jpg

An excerpt from Fr. Vic Baltazar, SJ's reflection today:

"God constantly speaks his Word to us to teach us, to correct us, to bring healing to us and to remind us about what is truly of value in God’s eyes. Hardness of heart will only serve to kill any inspiration to love and show compassion for others. Hardness of heart will make us apathetic to others’ plight. Hardness of heart will make us unforgiving, unfeeling even. Perhaps our hearts have become inured to the pain that comes with loving that we simply give up and decided to stop loving."

Click here to read more.

Today, I pray for clarity; for an open heart and an open mind. I know God has been telling me something; it's just that I am distracted by noises.

I pray that I can come back to myself--authentic in its simplicity and free from the snares of the ego.

Dear God, help me. I thirst for your Word today.

"Let nothing frighten you..."

I woke up today to some terrible, terrible news. A magnitude 7.2 earthquake hit the Visayas islands, strongly affecting the provinces of Cebu, Bohol, Negros and the city of Iloilo where many of our heritage sites are located.

At first, I was worried about the parents of my daughter's caregiver. They live in a coastal town in Bohol and for a while, nobody could locate them. A lot of the roads were impassable as some bridges collapsed. But thankfully, we got news later in the day that they were safe and unharmed though many of their neighbors have severely damaged houses.

Disasters sadden me. I am worried that soon, a strong earthquake may disrupt Metro Manila. (We are past the 20-year cycle, I was told.) And the thought that it could happen at a time when my daughter is not with me frightens me. I am trying to work on something in my own way through the opportunities that I have at work. Yes, I can knock at doors to put a little more pressure on our government so they can help us prepare for such a dreaded event. But could we really ever be ready?

I thank my new friend Gwen for religiously sharing articles and video clips in our prayer group's Facebook. This evening, she posted this beautiful prayer of St. Teresa of Avila whose feast we celebrate today together with a popular song, which it has inspired entitled "Huwag Mangamba."

Spiegel im Spiegel

Translating this German phrase to English gives "mirror in the mirror." How pleasantly apt for the day's reflection as I endeavor for self-authenticity -- that is, to be humble enough in order for me to be honest with myself.

"I need to listen to my best self, to the message of God's love," Carol Zuegner of Creighton University writes in response to today's Gospel about Jonah and the Ninevites. And she adds, "We have the best message of love, of understanding, of compassion that we could ever ask for, but we sometimes don’t listen. Or we don’t want to hear, so we cover our ears and hum so the words don’t come through. Or we let the noise of our lives drown out what we really should be listening to – our hearts."

It was during one of my runs and mindful walking exercises that I made a discernment about dropping therapy and medications several months ago. If I would be true to myself, I know that they do not consist the kind of lasting help that I need. I do not want to function artificially through my expensive anti-depressants nor to depend on my relaxants for long. I need to be the person that I am who got lost in the chaos of the dramas and the complications that I selflessly and whole-heartedly tried to embrace as part of the person that I once loved.

I sought validation from my mother who supported my decision. I enrolled in yoga so that I will find peace within. In my short practice, I am amazed to discover that finding peace meant connecting to my core. Every time I do yoga, I rid myself of my anxieties, anger and hurts -- all the so-called noises of our being, our distractions from being ourselves as we are, children of God. In the silence of the final pose, the savasana, I hear my heart. I rest in this heart and there, I see who I am and hear what I truly desire.

Later on, as God's way of validating my decision, I encountered these lines from Laurence Freeman's Light Within, a token of appreciation from my boss, Chito Sobrepeña, for everyone at work:

All the psychological apparatus of our own time is really concerned with that inherent tendency of the human mind and heart to resist the movement of the human mystery to go beyond itself, to resist the forces of growth because of the fear of losing self. The danger of pursuing a psychological rather than spiritual path is, therefore, of failing to grow and staying put in mere self-fascination, looking into an ever increasing maze of mirrors at a finite amount of experience, the old-ness of the past which stifles renewal.

The music from the embedded video came from the movie About Time's original soundtrack. How apt and how inspiring... that I have written this entry at the break of dawn.


(A prayer of gratitude goes to a trusted friend, Ms. V, who also inspired my decision and silently prayed for me)

Authenticity, Simplicity and Humility: Prayer Guide for 1013-1018

Image source: http://www.anamiller.com/images/d_authenticself.gif

All week long, the readings offer us so much about authenticity. Jesus invites us to simplicity. He wants to take us beyond obedience to the law or acts of piety. These are not bad in themselves, but they can hold a particular vulnerability to in-authenticity or hypocrisy, unless they are rooted in deep reliance upon God and faith in Jesus as our Savior. Mere cleanliness on the outside or placing burdens on people’s shoulders leaves us still far away from an experience of God's love that overflows into love and mercy for others.

This week, let's wake up each day and ask God for the grace to be more authentic. While putting on our slippers, standing next to the bed for just 30 seconds, let's give this special focus to our day. While washing up or getting dressed, on the way to work, while doing laundry or walking down the hall to a meeting, saying a brief grace before even a quick meal, we can remind ourselves of this desire in our hearts. Choosing humility is simply choosing honesty in very small ways. Throughout our days, each of us can find words to express to God our desire to be more honest and transparent with ourselves and with others. “Lord, let me be just who I am today. I know that in your eyes I'm a loved sinner. In grateful humility, don't let me be harsh or judgmental with my family, with friends or co-workers. Let me give up bragging, shading the truth, any kind of falsehood. I want to abstain today from even thoughts that take me down a road of cheating on my relationships, my commitments and my relationship with you.”

This is all about focus and choosing to place our attention on our relationship with Jesus in the most ordinary moments of our day. As we end each day, we can give thanks that our desire was given to us - that whenever we open our hearts, our God is always there, ready to bless our desires.

From: Creighton University Online Ministries

Gratitude is the memory of the heart.

Click here to read Fr. Tito Caluag's Sunday reflection, Remember, celebrate and believe.

Humility and Gratefulness (Sunday Reflection by Fr. Larry Gillick, SJ)

Image source: http://barrywallace.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/humble.jpg?w=320&h=239

Excerpts:

"Humility is honesty and such truthfulness will eventually bring about a healing somewhere in our lives... Faith can heal such angers and frustrations and the result is the freedom to be grateful. Being grateful is only the beginning, Jesus came to free us all from and free us for the new, the adventure of praise and trust. We are offered in these readings, and in the Eucharist, invitations to return in faith and then return in thanksgiving."

Read the full text here.

Giving is the best communication.

Posted 2013-1012

Light and Love

Image source: http://www.cobaltmooncenter.com/images/s_movementfor%20peace.jpg

When you look at an event or a person in your life as part of a great plan, a big picture or a grand scheme of things, you will find comfort. You will realize that it's possible to forgive and love someone on a completely spiritual level. Then you can let go and leave your thoughts peacefully at such state. Your body, still. Your spirit floats. There can no longer be third or fourth chances - at least, in this lifetime. Light and love can close the cycle.


* * *

More challenging but refreshing yoga this morning. What I like most about my yoga sessions, apart from toning, is being able to connect to my heart's good-natured desires. There, I find my peace. I feel energized to start a day anew.


Posted 2013-1008