Spiegel im Spiegel

Translating this German phrase to English gives "mirror in the mirror." How pleasantly apt for the day's reflection as I endeavor for self-authenticity -- that is, to be humble enough in order for me to be honest with myself.

"I need to listen to my best self, to the message of God's love," Carol Zuegner of Creighton University writes in response to today's Gospel about Jonah and the Ninevites. And she adds, "We have the best message of love, of understanding, of compassion that we could ever ask for, but we sometimes don’t listen. Or we don’t want to hear, so we cover our ears and hum so the words don’t come through. Or we let the noise of our lives drown out what we really should be listening to – our hearts."

It was during one of my runs and mindful walking exercises that I made a discernment about dropping therapy and medications several months ago. If I would be true to myself, I know that they do not consist the kind of lasting help that I need. I do not want to function artificially through my expensive anti-depressants nor to depend on my relaxants for long. I need to be the person that I am who got lost in the chaos of the dramas and the complications that I selflessly and whole-heartedly tried to embrace as part of the person that I once loved.

I sought validation from my mother who supported my decision. I enrolled in yoga so that I will find peace within. In my short practice, I am amazed to discover that finding peace meant connecting to my core. Every time I do yoga, I rid myself of my anxieties, anger and hurts -- all the so-called noises of our being, our distractions from being ourselves as we are, children of God. In the silence of the final pose, the savasana, I hear my heart. I rest in this heart and there, I see who I am and hear what I truly desire.

Later on, as God's way of validating my decision, I encountered these lines from Laurence Freeman's Light Within, a token of appreciation from my boss, Chito Sobrepeña, for everyone at work:

All the psychological apparatus of our own time is really concerned with that inherent tendency of the human mind and heart to resist the movement of the human mystery to go beyond itself, to resist the forces of growth because of the fear of losing self. The danger of pursuing a psychological rather than spiritual path is, therefore, of failing to grow and staying put in mere self-fascination, looking into an ever increasing maze of mirrors at a finite amount of experience, the old-ness of the past which stifles renewal.

The music from the embedded video came from the movie About Time's original soundtrack. How apt and how inspiring... that I have written this entry at the break of dawn.


(A prayer of gratitude goes to a trusted friend, Ms. V, who also inspired my decision and silently prayed for me)